Being a family means sharing responsibilities at home in any possible way a person can. Everyone should be aware of personal priorities, so there won’t be a conflict if someone can’t fulfill a task at home. Instead of holding it against them, appreciation must be given when they still choose to help despite heavy responsibilities. For instance, being a working student can be awfully draining. Parents must understand that whatever help they provide at home is already an effort. And if they choose to indulge for a while, avoid calling them out for it. Your kids have the right to reward themselves from time to time, especially when it’s the fruit of their hard work.
LetterheadMaterial93 had this problem in their household, which he shared on Reddit. He needed the support of other people to justify his decision to leave his parents’ house due to their toxic expectations. OP is the oldest among five siblings and a working student — a part-time job where he uses the money for school. Even though he already has a lot on his plate, LetterheadMaterial93 never fails to commit to household chores. Since both his parents have full-time jobs, OP accomplishes grocery shopping, laundry, and meal preparation without them. And as the eldest, he also teaches his siblings to do their part, like assigning his younger brother to care for their dogs.
Everything was manageable despite the busy schedules until he did something for himself for once. “Over Christmas, I had a chance to buy a PS5 for myself, so I did. The rest of my family is still using a shared PS4. I keep mine in my room, and I do not share,” LetterheadMaterial93 wrote. “My parents started fielding complaints from my oldest brother about how I made so much money and I don’t share the things I buy for myself. Totally true.” Amidst the discussion of money, his parents brought up paying rent. They wanted to obligate him to share money even though they were fully aware that he was only a working student.
“I went to my room and did the math. If I gave them what they wanted, I would have about $800 a month left over. If I dropped a couple of classes next semester, I could go to almost full-time hours with my employer, and and it would only be one more year until I graduated with my second degree. But I could afford my own place, and I would have way more free time and disposable income,” OP explained. Every kind person has a limit, and how his parents treated him was unacceptable. He moved out, and stayed in an Airbnb until he found the right apartment. Living alone has given OP much freedom, although his parents and siblings were furious with his decision. OP admitted that he still feels guilty sometimes, but his family really crossed a line.
Redditors supported LetterheadMaterial93’s decision, which might help him eliminate the guilt. They were all happy for him, especially when OP mentioned buying a plant from IKEA. After all the hard work he has been doing as a son, student, and employee, OP deserves to have nice things for himself. “If you ‘left them in the lurch,’ that should be a flashing sign of how much you were contributing. I was ready to call you an AH, but you’re carrying the entire mental load of the household; you shouldn’t be expected to share the money you earn,” Mogwai_92 commented. Although they are his family, OP still has the right to choose his peace of mind above all. A house won’t be home when surrounded by members who guilt-trip you because you did something good for yourself.
“OP is an adult. They have the right to move out and live on their own and pay their own way. They also have the right to make choices on what living arrangement is most beneficial to them, both personally and financially,” patentmom commented. “It sounds like they should have moved out long ago but thought their contributions to chores around the house were helpful and kind to their parents. Too bad their parents only saw the money and not the nonmonetary contributions.”
LetterheadMaterial’s decision wasn’t selfish, because he only did what any adult would do in that situation. He even calculated everything before ending up with a decision. OP’s family should understand him and appreciate him once in a while. Hopefully, both sides can communicate well without portraying OP as the villain. He has been giving his all to manage the house, but they need to do it without him this time. It’s only right that he earns his freedom. Do you agree? Comment your thoughts below his post. If you have a similar family issue, feel free to use the comment section to rant and help OP be confident with his choice.